List of October funnies

IB:  My doctor says I need to eat more junk food.

IB:  I'm allergic to heavy.

IB:  I want to play violin forever and eat pizza forever!  (Itty Bitty and Little Bit both are taking violin lessons.  Their little violin is hilarious--looks like a toy--if only it only cost as much as a toy!)

LB (while eating supper):  Can you save my food because I have to go sing and dance?

Our friend, Miss Darlene, fixed Itty Bitty a drink and said, "Did you say 'thank you'?" to which IB responded, "I'm going to start my manners day after tomorrow."

Little Bit explained to me all about how crayons are made, how "they" melt this stuff (wax) and mix it together.  Then, she said, it's kind of the same way they make bubble gum.  I said, "Oh, wow--how did you learn all this about making crayons?"  She answered matter of factly, "Oh, well, we giggled it on Miss Darlene's phone."  I said, "Oh, well what makes you think that it's like making bubble gum?" to which she said, "We giggled how to make bubble gum on her phone too."

Worrying about her future children

LB (age:  not quite 5):  "Mama, I need you to save all of my toys and my bed so that my children will have something to play with and somewhere to sleep when we come see you when I grow up.  I also need you to save IB's stuff too for her children.  And...I need you to save the big beds in the other room so that I will have somewhere to sleep."  Hoarder in the making??? 

Turkey Sandwich

LB:  "For lunch I want a turkey sandwich with pickles and cheese and no turkey."
Me:  "So you want a turkey sandwich with no turkey."
LB with straight face:  "Yes, M'am."

First Stitches

While I was at a real wedding, the children were at home with Daddy playing "wedding" when the Little Bit slipped on her white afghan veil while dancing and busted her chin on the tile floor.  I got home in time to rush the whole fam to the after-hours clinic.  She handled the whole thing like such a grown-up.  The next day while eating breakfast before church, Daddy said we needed to think up a good story to tell people about what happened.  (He said it needed to be more exciting than, "I was playing wedding." ...not that we encourage lying!)  They came up with lots of hilarious ones, but the best one was when LB said, "We could tell people I fell out of an airplane." 

Bad Hair Day

LB:  "We put conditioner in my sister's hair so that it won't get wrinkled."

More Sound of Music comments

The Little Bit from her bed:  "Daddy, will you please bring me a sip of water? . . .  Daddy, would you sing How do we solve a problem like Mary M?"  (her name instead of "Maria" as the song goes)

The Sound of Music

Itty Bitty singing "Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music:  "When the dog stings, when the bee bites . . . and then I don't feeeeeeeeel  soooooooooooooo much!"

Angel Wings

Little Bit:  "What do angels do with their wings when they sleep?  Do they fold them up or take them off?"

Reindeer Games

Last night Little Bit was wearing her sateen red Christmas nightgown and wanted to sing Christmas songs.  Pressing November, I’m ready for Christmas songs – not decorations – but music, yes!  So, of course, Haydn and I obliged and sang and sang.  She suggested “the reindeer one.”  We sang it twice with intermittent discussions about the words and all of the reindeer's names.  Little Bit said, “That is a really sad song.”  Long pause.  “Those other reindeer were mean.  They wouldn't let him play with them.  That is not nice.  I don’t like that.”  Thus a discussion ensued about the story.  Then, this from the 4-year-old’s analytical mind:

Little Bit:  “Now, what do reindeer look like?”

Dad:  “Sort of like our deer but bigger and with big antlers on their heads”

Little Bit:  “Where do they live?”

Me:  “Way up North.  We’re in the South . . . so not around here”

LB:  “Do they have wings?”

Dad:  “No.”

LB:  “Then how can they really fly?  Birds have to have wings to fly.  How can they pull a sleigh?”

Us:  “Ok.  You’re right.  Real reindeer can't fly.  But you can’t tell your friends this stuff.”

Lipstick

Itty Bitty to Daddy:  "Where's my lipstick?"
Daddy:  "You're too young for lipstick."
IB:  "Well, I'm 2!"

5 minutes later:
Daddy:  "Quit putting so much lipstick on your lips."
IB:  "Well, that's how God made me."

He's Distracting Me

Little Bit finds the dog's collar and leash, puts them on said dog by herself, and after a few minutes of holding on to the leash and dragging poor dog around, she sighs and says, "This dog is distracting me."
I didn't even know the word "distraction" was a part of her vocabulary!
(There is a sermon in this.  We create our own burdens and then place the "distraction" blame on it!) 

Today's Funnies

1. The Little Bit:  "What's the matter, Mama?"  Me:  "I'm having trouble backing up the mini-van in this tight squeeze."  Little Bit:  "Oh, I can drive, Mama, because I've learned how to drive the car-buggies at Kroger."

2.  The Little Bit:  "Mary (Jesus' mother) always kneels . . . that's why I'm kneeling to eat my cereal."

3.  LB:  "Band-aids don't really matter do they?  'Cause Band-aids don't heal bo-bos.  God heals our bo-bos--not band-aids."

4.  The Itty Bitty upon observing roofers (maybe first time she's noticed roofers??):  "They on the roof!!!  They on the roof, Mama!  They on the roof!"

5.  LB:  "When my brother gets here (he's still in the womb), I can wear my princess dresses, and he can be prince charming."

6.  LB to me:  "What does snooze mean?"  Me:  "It means "to sleep, take a little nap."  LB:  "Ooooh.  I know . . . snooze means to sleep with a runny nose."

All in a day's memories.  Too much fun!